Blog Post 4: Vibhrama Divas Eve: Chester the Jester's Preparations for Shifting Illusions (Countdown to April Fools!)

Greetings, Fellow Pranksters, Monsters, Sages, and Lore Enthusiasts!

As we approach the eve of April Fool's Day, and continue our countdown to the day of playful pranks and lighthearted trickery, we find ourselves delving once more into the fantastical realm of Zimrala. This is part four of our ongoing series, and today, we witness Chester the Jester's unique preparations for "Vibhrama Divas" (विभ्रम দিবস), the Tygerian Day of Shifting Illusions. Get ready to witness the blending of Troll-world chaos and Tygerian tradition as we explore the eve of this Zimralan celebration

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The Anticipation of Vibhrama: Zimrala Prepares for Shifting Illusions

While Zimrala has long held traditions of playful trickery, it was Chester the Jester who truly popularized "Vibhrama Divas" (विभ्रम দিবস) in the Tyger King's court. His arrival brought with it a certain… unpredictability and a penchant for pranks that seamlessly blended with the existing Tygerian spirit of harmless deception. Now, as the final day of the third month approached, Chester's energy reached a fever pitch, signaling the imminent arrival of the Day of Shifting Illusions.

"Tomorrow, oh glorious Tyger King!" he exclaimed, his eyes gleaming with mischievous anticipation. "Tomorrow, we celebrate 'Vibhrama Divas' (विभ्रम দিবস) – a time for the grandest of illusions and the most gloriously absurd of jests! An Eve of Anticipation if you will!"

The Tyger King, having grown accustomed to Chester's eccentricities, simply raised an eyebrow and braced himself for the inevitable wave of playful chaos that the following day would bring.

The Eve of Anticipation: Chester's Preparations for Shifting Illusions

Chester, understanding the importance of proper preparation for a day of shifting illusions, began his work. He began by subtly replacing the royal tapestries with crudely drawn caricatures of the court members, each depicted in increasingly ridiculous situations involving "Maya-dhuli" (মায়া-ধূলি) and other illusionary effects. He then strategically placed squeaky Troll-world toys throughout the castle, knowing the sudden, unexpected noises would disrupt any serious conversations.

He spent the evening brewing batches of "Ananda-smriti pana" (আনন্দ-স্মৃতি পান), a harmless concoction that induced fits of uncontrollable laughter, and preparing containers of "Ranga-jal" (রঙ-জল), the vibrant colored waters used for playful splashing and temporary staining. He whispered to various servants, hinting at the delightful chaos to come, and ensuring they were ready to participate in the day’s pranks.

The Tyger King's Quiet Amusement and Cultural Observation

While some members of the court were initially bewildered (and perhaps slightly annoyed) by Chester's frantic preparations, the Tyger King found himself quietly amused. He recognized the underlying spirit of playful fun and the lack of malice in Chester's intent. He was also fascinated to see how Chester's Troll World pranks, were blending with the traditional Tygerian festivities. He had also learned some of the old stories, of the trickster spirits, and the funny events of the past, that were often told during this time.

By the end of the day, even the most resistant courtiers found themselves caught up in the anticipation of the next day's events. Chester's preparations had brought a much-needed dose of levity to the court, reminding everyone that even in the most serious of settings, there was always room for a good laugh, and the sharing of old stories.

A Night of Anticipation: The Eve Before Vibhrama Divas

Chester the Jester's Eve of preparation for "Vibhrama Divas" (विभ্রম দিবস) became a legendary event, a testament to the gristlegim dwarf's unique brand of humor and his ability to blend Troll-world traditions with the existing Tygerian culture. It was a reminder that laughter was a universal language, capable of bridging cultural divides and bringing people together.

The End of a Beginning (and the Beginning of Vibhrama Divas)

And so, our initial exploration of Chester the Jester's adventures on Zimrala continues into the following day. We've witnessed his chaotic arrival, his unlikely appointment as royal fool, and his surprising ability to bring both laughter and cultural exchange to the Tyger King's court. As we anticipate the events of "Vibhrama Divas" (विभ্রম দিবস), we can't help but wonder what further adventures await our peculiar protagonist.

Until Next Time, Fellow Gamers and Readers!

May your own days be filled with laughter and good-natured pranks. And may you always remember the valuable lesson Chester the Jester has taught us: that even the most unexpected of individuals can bring joy, wisdom, and a healthy dose of Troll-world absurdity to our lives. Stay tuned for the final part of this series, for the adventures of Chester the Jester on "Vibhrama Divas" (विभ্রম দিবস) have only just begun!

Yours Captain Hedges

 

The Rhythms of Zimrala: A Year in the Tygerian Isles - Four Years in the Making!

Welcome, travelers and lore enthusiasts! For the past four years and through countless hours of dedicated research and writing, I have poured my heart into crafting the definitive calendar of the Tygerian Isles. It is with immense pleasure that I finally present to you this intricate system, as complete and detailed as I can possibly make it!

More than just a way to mark the passage of time, the Tygerian year is a tapestry woven with threads of their distinct culture, their reliance on alliances, their renowned skill as mercenaries, and the veneration of their powerful deities. Based off of real-world calendar structures but thoroughly reflavored for the unique setting of the Tygerian Isles, this calendar includes the days of the week, the months of the year, and a rich array of festivals and holidays that shape life in this fascinating realm. Join us as we explore the twelve months and numerous celebrations that define the rhythms of Zimrala!

The Seven Days of the Week:

The Tygerian week follows a seven-day cycle, each day dedicated to one of their primary deities:

1. Aethor - Pratham Divas (এথর - প্রথম দিবস): Day of Dawn and New Beginnings (Monday), dedicated to Aethor.
2. Thoren - Garjana Divas (থোরেন - গর্জন দিবস): Day of Thunder and Storms (Tuesday), dedicated to Thoren.
3. Kalindra - Gyan o Maya Divas (কালিন্দ্র - জ্ঞান ও মায়া দিবস): Day of Wisdom and Magic (Wednesday), dedicated to Kalindra.
4. Nyxoria - Ratri o Rahasya Divas (নিক্সোরিয়া - রাত্রি ও রহস্য দিবস): Day of Night and Mysteries (Thursday), dedicated to Nyxoria.
5. Valthor - Shikara o Urvarata Divas (ভ্যালথর - শিকার ও উর্বরতা দিবস): Day of the Hunt and Fertility (Friday), dedicated to Valthor.
6. Thorvos - Prithvi o Shasya Divas (থর্vos - পৃথিবী ও শস্য দিবস): Day of the Earth and Harvest (Saturday), dedicated to Thorvos. This is the bustling Market Day.
7. Lythari - Chandra o Bishram Divas (লিথারি - চন্দ্র ও বিশ্রাম দিবস): Day of the Moon and Rest (Sunday), dedicated to Lythari.

The Twelve Months and Their Celebrations:

The Tygerian year unfolds across twelve distinct months, each with its own character and significant events:

1. Vasanta Aethon (বসন্ত এথন) - Month of Spring's Awakening (March)

   • This month, named for Aethor, marks the beginning of the Tygerian year with the Spring Equinox, a time of renewal and strategic planning.
   • Holi-Ember Day (Basanta Agni Utsav) (বসন্ত অগ্নি উৎসব) - 17th - 20th of Vasanta Aethon. A vibrant celebration of spring's arrival and the triumph of good over evil, featuring colorful processions, feasting, bonfires, and the joyful sharing of colored powders and sweets.

2. Madhava Therion (মাধব থেরিয়ন) - Month of Sweetness and Bloom (April)

   • Named for its pleasant weather, this month often sees the start of military campaigns and deployments.
   • Vibhrama Divas (বিभ্রম দিবস) - The Day of Shifting Illusions - 1st of Madhava Therion. A lighthearted day of playful pranks and illusions inspired by Chester the Jester, offering a moment of levity.
   • Therion's Thunder Festival (Therion Garjana Utsav) (থেরিয়ন গর্জন উৎসব) - 10th - 15th of Madhava Therion. A powerful festival honoring Thoren, the god of thunder, with rituals, storm-invoking music and dance, and communal feasting, including prayers for strength and protection during travels.

3. Jyaistha Kalidor (জ্যৈষ্ঠ কালিডর) - Elder Star/Brightest Fortunes (May)

   • A period for strategic planning and strengthening diplomatic ties with allies.
   • Kalidor's Bloom Festival (Kalidor Pushpa Utsav) (কালিডর পুষ্প উৎসব) - 1st - 5th of Jyaistha Kalidor. A celebration of the flourishing of life and the beauty of the land, with symbolic appreciation for allied resources.
   • Pushpa Prathamik Divas (পুষ্প প্রাথমিক দিবস) - First Flower Day - 1st of Jyaistha Kalidor. An informal and joyful welcoming of spring's full bloom, marked by floral decorations and community goodwill.

4. Ashadha Nyxoria (আষাঢ় নিক্সোরিয়া) - Gathering Clouds/Mystic Darkness (June)

   • Named for Nyxoria, this month emphasizes the strategic importance of the unseen.
   • Midsummer Knights' Dreams (Madhyagreeshma Swapna Utsav) (মধ্যগ্রীষ্ম স্বপ্ন উৎসব) - 20th - 23rd of Ashadha Nyxoria. A mystical time when the veil between worlds thins, potentially used for seeking strategic insights and honoring the unknown.

5. Shravana Elyria (শ্রাবণ এলিরিয়া) - Flowing Waters/Ethereal Beauty (July)

   • Often a time of intense activity, including potential military campaigns.
   • Elyria's Ember Festival (Elyria Agni Utsav) (এলিরিয়া অগ্নি উৎসব) - 15th - 20th of Shravana Elyria. A festival celebrating strength and resilience during demanding times, with symbolic connections to fire and heat.

6. Bhadra Valthrun (ভাদ্র ভ্যালথ্রান) - Fullness and Harvest's Promise (August)

   • Named in anticipation of the rewards of their service and the harvests of their allies.
   • Vijaya Utsav (বিজয় উৎসব) - Victory Celebrations (variable timing). Held after significant military successes, featuring parades, heroic storytelling, and recognition of valor.

7. Ashwina Thorvos (আশ্বিন থোরvos) - Horse Lords/Autumn's Descent (September)

   • A key period for returning from campaigns and engaging in trade.
   • Vyapar Mela (व्यापार मेला) - Trade Festival (seasonal, variable timing). Larger gatherings with allied races to exchange goods, strengthen bonds, and share cultural traditions.
   • Thorvos' Thunder Festival (Thorvos Garjana Utsav) (থর্vos গর্জন উৎসব) - 10th - 15th of Ashwina Thorvos. Honors Thoren as autumn storms arrive, with continued prayers for strength and protection.

8. Kartika Arkeia (কার্তিক আরকিয়া) - Lights and Ancestral Remembrance (October)

   • A time for reflection, honoring ancestors, and preparing for the darker months.
   • Arkeia's Awakening Festival (Arkeia Jagaran Utsav) (আরকিয়া জাগরণ উৎসব) - 1st - 5th of Kartika Arkeia. Honors the earth and serves as a time to remember ancestors and the cycles of life.
   • Rakshasa Agaman Ratri (রাক্ষস আগমন রাত্রি) - Night of the Demon's Arrival - 31st of Kartika Arkeia. A night of fearful anticipation of the demon Kalaratri, reinforcing the Tygerians' role as protectors, marked by protective rituals and spooky tales.
   • Pumpkin Raja Udaya Utsav (পামকিন রাজা উদয় উৎসব) - Rise of the Pumpkin King Festival - 31st of Kartika Arkeia. A unique Zimralan tradition coinciding with the demon night, featuring carved pumpkins and stories of the Malevolent Pumpkin King.

9. Agrahayana Khyronia (অগ্রহায়ণ খাইরোনিয়া) - First Harvest/Frost's Whisper (November)

   • Linked to Waghoba, a time for testing strength and honoring protectors.
   • Shaheed Smriti Divas (শহীদ স্মৃতি দিবস) - Day of the Fallen - 11th of Agrahayana Khyronia. A solemn day to honor Tygerian mercenaries and protectors who have fallen in service, with memorial ceremonies and reflection.
   • The Great Turkey Hunt (Maha Kukkuṭa Shikara) (মহা কুক্কুট শিকার) - 5th - 25th of Agrahayana Khyronia. The crucial coming-of-age ritual for aspiring hunters and warriors, demonstrating their skills and courage.
   • The Feast of Waghoba (Waghoba Bhoj) (বাঘোবা ভোজ) - 25th of Agrahayana Khyronia. The most important festival, celebrating martial prowess, courage, and the protective spirit of the Tygerian people, often including formal recognition of service and renewal of oaths.

10. Pausha Lythari (পৌষ লিথারি) - Gathering and Winter's Embrace (December)

    • Dedicated to Lythari, a time for rest, planning, and community.
    • Wintermas: The Festival of Lights (Sheetkale Jyoti Utsav) (শীতকালে জ্যোতি উৎসব) - 20th - 31st of Pausha Lythari. Marks the winter solstice with light and community gatherings, symbolizing hope and resilience.
    • Yule Log Burning (Yule Kashta Dahan) (Yule কাষ্ঠ দহন) - 21st of Pausha Lythari. Celebrates the return of longer days and the triumph of light over darkness.
    • Starlight Celebration (Tara Utsav) (তারা উৎসব) - 31st of Pausha Lythari. Honors the stars and the celestial realm with stargazing and contemplation.
    • Divas Nirbachaner (দিবস নির্বাচনের) - Day of Choosing (occurs within this month). Young Tygerians choose their specialized professions.
    • Shapath Grahan Samaroh (শপথ গ্রহণ समारोह) - Oaths and Pledges Ceremony (variable timing). Formal ceremony for new or renewing mercenaries.

11. Magha Zarador (মাঘ জারাডর) - Cold Fire/Inner Strength (January)

    • A time for rigorous training and spiritual strengthening in the heart of winter.
    • Tygerian New Dawn - 1st of Magha Zarador. Celebrated with rituals focusing on strength, resilience, and hope for the coming year of service.
    • Pilgrimage to the Shrine of Waghoba (Waghoba Tirtha Yatra) (বাঘোবা তীর্থ যাত্রা) - 2nd - 15th of Magha Zarador. A significant pilgrimage seeking Waghoba's blessings for the year's challenges.

12. Phalguna Xylonia (ফাল্গুন জাইলোনিয়া) - Blooming Joy/Farewell to Winter (February)

    • Final preparations for the upcoming campaigning season and strengthening of alliances before spring.
    • The Festival of Lovers (Prema Utsav) (প্রেম উৎসব) - 14th of Phalguna Xylonia. Celebrates love and bonds, including the strong camaraderie within Tygerian units.
    • Navaratri of the Golden Goddess (Suvarna Devi Navaratri) (সুবর্ণ দেবী নবরাত্রি) - 20th - 22nd of Phalguna Xylonia. Honors Suvarna Devi, a figure embodying strength and strategic wisdom.
    • Basanta Divas (বসন্ত দিবস) - Lady Day - 25th of Phalguna Xylonia. Marks the midpoint towards spring, a time of hope and renewal before the full onset of campaigning.

Variable Celebrations:

• Havishair Chandra Utsav (হভিশাইর চন্দ্র উৎসব) - Havishair Moon Festival: Celebrated by the Moon Elves and honored by Tygerians when the Havishair Moon is in orbit.
• Vijaya Utsav (বিজয় উৎসব) - Victory Celebrations: Held as needed after significant military successes.
• Vyapar Mela (व्यापार मेला) - Trade Festivals: Larger trade gatherings with allies, often seasonal.
• Shapath Grahan Samaroh (শপথ গ্রহণ समारोह) - Oaths and Pledges Ceremony: Held at the Day of Choosing or before major campaign seasons.

Key Cultural Elements:

• Market Day: Every Thorvos - Prithvi o Shasya Divas, facilitating trade with allies.
• Coming-of-Age: The Great Turkey Hunt for hunters/warriors and the Day of Choosing for other professions.
• Mercenary Culture: Deeply ingrained, influencing the rhythm of the year and the veneration of deities like Waghoba.
• Remembrance of the Fallen: Honored on Shaheed Smriti Divas.
• Storytelling and Oral Traditions: Essential for preserving history, honoring heroes, and maintaining cultural cohesion.

The Tygerian Isles boast a rich and dynamic calendar, reflecting their unique place in Zimrala and their vital role in the wider world. This intricate system of months, days, and celebrations provides a fascinating glimpse into the heart of this proud and capable people.

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There you have it – the complete Tygerian Isles Calendar in blog post finnly from me! I have strived to include every detail and description. I hope you find it comprehensive and engaging!

Yours Captain Hedges

 

Sunday Morning on the Porch: Coffee, New Beginnings, and the Whispers of Shame

The Louisiana air this Sunday morning is soft, carrying the gentle sounds of a new neighborhood in Shreveport. Sitting here on the porch of this new place, coffee warming my hands, there's a sense of quiet possibility. A fresh start. Yet, even in this hopeful setting, the echoes of past struggles, the whispers of that "anthem of shame," can sometimes try to creep in.

You know the tune: "You are what you've done." "The worst of what others say is true." "Your past defines your future." It's a melody that can feel particularly loud in moments of transition, when we're perhaps more vulnerable, more aware of the baggage we've carried.

Gazing out at the budding trees and the slow pace of a Sunday morning, it strikes me how contrary this anthem is to the very essence of what I'm learning in scripture. This new porch, this new chapter, feels like a physical manifestation of the fresh start God offers us spiritually.

The Bible doesn't shy away from the reality of our mistakes. It acknowledges the shame that can cling to us like morning mist. But it doesn't leave us there, stewing in self-condemnation. Instead, it offers a powerful counter-narrative, a melody of grace and redemption that drowns out the lies.

As I sip this coffee, Romans 8:1 resonates deeply: "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." No condemnation. Sitting here on this porch, that feels like a profound truth to hold onto. This new place isn't a chance to outrun our past, but rather a space to live in the freedom offered by a God who doesn't define us by our failures.

And it's not just about a clean slate from past actions. It's about the ongoing work of the Holy Spirit, our Counselor, who walks with us into these new beginnings. He doesn't stand on the sidelines, judging our every move. Instead, He gently guides, comforts, and reminds us of our true identity in Christ.

He's the quiet voice whispering truth when the anthem of shame tries to rise again. He reminds me that this new place, this new day, is an opportunity to walk in the forgiveness that has already been offered. He helps me to see myself not through the lens of past mistakes, but through the loving gaze of my Father.

Perhaps you're reading this from your own porch this Sunday morning, wherever that may be. Maybe you're also carrying the weight of past regrets or the sting of others' judgments. I want to encourage you, as I encourage myself here in Shreveport, to listen for a different song.

Listen for the gentle whisper of the Holy Spirit, your Counselor, reminding you:

• Your past does not have to define your future. This new day, this new season, is filled with God's grace.
• You are loved and accepted, not because of what you've done, but because of who you are in Christ.
• The Holy Spirit is with you, offering comfort, guidance, and the strength to break free from the lies of shame.

This Sunday morning let's breathe in the fresh air of God's forgiveness and the hope of new beginnings. Let's allow the Holy Spirit to counsel our hearts, replacing the heavy chords of shame with the liberating melody of grace.

May this day, wherever you find yourself, be a reminder that you are not alone, you are loved, and you are being made new.

From my new porch in Shreveport, wishing you a blessed Sunday.

Yours Captain Hedges

Part 3 of our Count Down to April Fool's Day

 Blog Post 3: Beyond the Bells: Chester the Jester's Unexpected Wisdom and Troll-World Triumphs (and Tribulations)

Greetings, Esteemed Explorers of Lore and Laughter!

Welcome back to our ongoing saga of Chester the Jester and his rather unique tenure in the court of the Tyger King. In our previous chronicles, we witnessed Chester's chaotic yet captivating arrival and the surprising establishment of his role as royal fool. Today, we delve deeper into the notion that Chester is far more than just a purveyor of peculiar pranks and questionable songs. Prepare to discover the moments when the bells fall silent, and the unexpected wisdom of a Gristlegim dwarf from Troll world shines through, alongside a glimpse into his… enthusiastic attempts to share his cultural heritage. Chester the Jester, therefore, was proving to be far more than just a source of amusement. He was an unconventional advisor, a purveyor of unexpected wisdom, and a walking (and often tripping) ambassador of a bizarre and fascinating culture. His presence in the Tyger King's court was a constant reminder that intelligence comes in many forms and that sometimes, the greatest insights can be found when you least expect them, often delivered with a side of peculiar Troll-world charm. Join us as we uncover the moments when Chester's seemingly foolish exterior gave way to surprising brilliance and the hilariously mixed results of his attempts to share the wonders of Troll world with the inhabitants of Zimrala.

Glimmers of Insight: When the Jest Held Truth

While Chester's days were often filled with juggling luminous fungi and telling jokes that teetered on the edge of comprehensibility, there were moments when his seemingly random pronouncements held a surprising depth of insight. During a particularly tense debate among the King's advisors regarding a trade dispute with a neighboring kingdom, Chester, who was ostensibly entertaining himself in a corner with a collection of squeaky Troll-world toys, suddenly piped up.

"Why argue over the shinies, oh wise-looking long-noses?" he squeaked in his surprisingly high-pitched voice. "If both sides think their shinies are the best, maybe the real shiny is the friendship you don't break trying to count them all."

The room fell silent. The advisors, accustomed to Chester's usual brand of silliness, were taken aback by the unexpected simplicity and underlying wisdom of his statement. The Tyger King, ever perceptive, pondered Chester's words and realized the truth in his seemingly childish observation. Perhaps focusing on the long-term relationship was more valuable than haggling over every last trinket.

On another occasion, when the court was plagued by a series of minor thefts that baffled the royal guard, Chester, after observing the comings and goings with a keen (if somewhat cross-eyed) gaze, pointed out that the culprit was likely the seemingly timid scullery maid who always carried an oversized apron. When questioned, the maid confessed, admitting she used the large apron to discreetly pocket small valuables. Chester's reasoning? "The loudest bird isn't always the one hiding the shiniest worm." His unconventional way of thinking often allowed him to see what others, blinded by expectation or prejudice, overlooked.

Sharing the Wonders of Troll World (Sometimes with Disastrous Results)

Being a proud Gristlegim dwarf, Chester naturally felt a desire to share the rich cultural heritage of Troll world with his new acquaintances. These attempts, however, often led to… memorable, if not entirely successful, outcomes.

Take, for instance, his attempt to introduce "Gloomroot Stew," a Troll delicacy said to bring inner peace and unparalleled digestive… activity. The resulting aroma permeated the castle for days, and those brave enough to sample it experienced a range of unsettling side effects, none of which seemed to involve inner peace.

Then there was the "Trollish Lullaby," a series of guttural croaks and rhythmic belly slaps intended to soothe the royal infants. It instead resulted in a chorus of terrified wails that echoed through the castle halls, and Chester was politely (but firmly) requested to refrain from further demonstrations of Trollish childcare practices.

His attempts at "Troll-Ball," a game involving throwing a surprisingly resilient (and occasionally biting) fungal orb, also proved less popular than anticipated, particularly after a stray throw knocked a visiting dignitary's wig into the royal fishpond.

Learning and Laughing Across Worlds

Despite the occasional cultural clashes and minor catastrophes, Chester's attempts to share his heritage, however misguided, often brought moments of unexpected laughter and a greater understanding between the inhabitants of Zimrala and the peculiar customs of Troll world. The Tyger King, in particular, found a strange fascination in Chester's tales of his homeland, often requesting (and occasionally regretting) detailed descriptions of Trollish life.

The Unconventional Advisor

Chester the Jester, therefore, was proving to be far more than just a source of amusement. He was an unconventional advisor, a purveyor of unexpected wisdom, and a walking (and often tripping) ambassador of a bizarre and fascinating culture. His presence in the Tyger King's court was a constant reminder that intelligence comes in many forms and that sometimes, the greatest insights can be found when you least expect them, often delivered with a side of peculiar Troll-world charm.

Next Time On Our Blog...

In our final installment, we'll tie everything together with the spirit of April Fool's Day. We'll explore how Chester the Jester, with his unique blend of Trollish trickery and unexpected cleverness, might approach the day of playful pranks on Zimrala.

Stay tuned, fellow gamers and readers, for the grand finale of our initial foray into the world of Chester the Jester!

Wrestling with God: When the Mat Becomes an Altar

 

Wrestling with God: When the Mat Becomes an Altar

Angel of the Lord By Angela Head

Good morning, dear readers. It's Sunday morning here in Shreveport, Louisiana, and today's post is a deeply personal reflection on my own wrestling match – not the kind with takedowns and pinfalls, but the one I've had, and continue to have, with God.

The roar of the crowd, the sweat stinging my eyes, the primal energy of two bodies locked in a test of strength – for years, this was my church. The wrestling ring, the squared circle, the canvas where stories of triumph and defeat unfolded under the bright lights. But as I stand now, sidelined by a heart that can no longer endure the strain, I find myself reflecting on a different kind of wrestling, a deeper grapple – the one I've had, and continue to have, with God.

For a long time, the wrestling ring felt like my domain. I was the master of my narrative, the architect of my victories (and sometimes, the stoic recipient of my losses). It was a world of tangible effort, of cause and immediate effect. You trained harder, you studied your opponent, you executed the moves with precision, and hopefully, your hand was raised in the end. God, in that world, felt somewhat distant, a figure to acknowledge on Sundays, perhaps, but not someone you necessarily tangled with in the heat of the moment.

Yet, the very essence of wrestling, the struggle, the pushing against resistance, mirrors in a strange way our relationship with the Divine. How many times have I felt like I was in a grueling match with God? Pinned down by circumstances I couldn't escape, thrown for a loop by life's unexpected slams? The heart attacks and strokes that ended my career felt like a brutal, unfair takedown right here in Shreveport. Where was the divine intervention then? Why would a passion, a skill I honed with years of dedication in gyms across this city, be so violently ripped away?

Just like in a wrestling match, when you're down, you have a choice. You can stay there, defeated, letting the referee count you out. Or you can dig deep, find a reserve of strength you didn't know you possessed, and fight your way back to your feet. My forced retirement initially left me on the mat, staring at the lights of despair in my own home here in Shreveport. I questioned everything, including my faith. Had I not lived a life that honored God? Had I not given my all, both in and out of the ring in venues throughout this region? The silence felt deafening, like the hushed anticipation of a crowd waiting for the final bell at the Municipal Auditorium.

But wrestling also taught me about resilience, a quality I learned in the hard-knocks world of professional wrestling. It ingrained in me the understanding that even in defeat, there's something to be learned. You analyze the match, you identify your weaknesses, and you come back stronger. This mindset, homed in the crucible of the ring in Shreveport and beyond, has slowly begun to shape my spiritual wrestling.

Instead of seeing my struggles as God being against me, I'm starting to see them as a different kind of hold, a challenge to grow stronger in my faith right here in Shreveport. The loss of my wrestling career, the heartbreak in past relationships with women I met in this city – these are the formidable opponents I now face outside the ring, on the very streets I walk every day as a homeless person. And just like I studied my adversaries in wrestling, I'm now trying to understand the lessons embedded in these trials as I navigate my new life in Shreveport.

The anger, the frustration, the feeling of being pinned down by circumstances – these are real emotions that I grapple with daily in my new life Shreveport. Just as I wouldn't ignore a searing pain in the ring, I can't ignore these feelings in my spiritual life. It's about acknowledging the struggle, the wrestling, the honest questions I have for God as I live in this Louisiana city. Why this? Why now? What is the purpose in Shreveport?

Perhaps the mat, once a place of physical combat in arenas across the country, is now transforming into an altar right here in my heart in Shreveport. A place where I bring my raw emotions, my frustrations, my unanswered prayers, and lay them before God. It's not always a pretty picture. Sometimes it's a messy, tear-stained surrender that happens in the quiet of my Shreveport home. But just like a wrestler seeks to gain leverage and find a better position, I'm learning to seek God's perspective in the midst of my struggles as I live in this community.

The discipline I learned in training – the commitment, the perseverance, the reliance on something bigger than myself (my coaches, my training partners in Shreveport) – these are now being applied to my faith. My discipleship class at 3:18 Church here in Shreveport, the fellowship with others in this city, the guidance of Pastor Matthew Tyson – these are my new training partners, helping me to strengthen my spiritual muscles right here at home.

Wrestling with God isn't about winning or losing in the traditional sense I understood in the ring. It's about the engagement, the honest confrontation, the willingness to stay in the match even when it feels overwhelming here in Shreveport. It's about trusting that even when I feel like I'm on my back, God's grace can be the unseen hand that helps me find my footing again in this city I call home.

The roar of the crowd may have faded for my wrestling career, but the quiet whispers of faith are beginning to resonate within me here in Shreveport. The mat may no longer be my primary stage, but the arena of my heart is where the real wrestling is taking place – a wrestle with God that I believe, in the end, will lead not to defeat, but to a deeper, more resilient faith right here in Shreveport, Louisiana.

My journey in the squared circle, and now my deeper wrestle with God, finds echoes in the ancient texts, particularly in the stories of Samson's tumultuous battles and Jacob's mysterious encounter with the divine. These narratives offer profound insights into my own struggles – the desire to do right, the allure of a demanding lifestyle, and the constant tension between my faith and the vices that once held me captive, even here in Shreveport.

Wrestling with God: Finding Strength in Scripture and the Shadows of Samson and Jacob

Samson: Strength, Temptation, and the Price of Compromise

Samson, a man gifted with incredible strength by God for a specific purpose – to deliver Israel from the Philistines – resonates deeply with my experiences in professional wrestling. The roar of the crowd fueled a sense of power, a feeling of being set apart for something extraordinary in the wrestling world I knew. Just as Samson's strength was both a gift and a responsibility, my physical prowess and charisma in the ring allowed me to connect with audiences and build a career, even here in Shreveport.

However, Samson's story is also a cautionary tale of succumbing to temptation and the consequences of a lifestyle that strayed from God's path. His entanglements with foreign women, particularly Delilah, ultimately led to his downfall. This mirrors my own struggles with the vices that became intertwined with the demanding and often morally ambiguous world of professional wrestling, even in Shreveport. The constant travel, the pressure to maintain a certain image in the wrestling community, and the easy access to fleeting pleasures often led me down paths I knew were wrong, even in my own hometown.

• Judges 14:1-3 (Samson's desire for a Philistine woman): "Then Samson went down to Timnah, and saw a woman in Timnah of the daughters of the Philistines. So he came up and told his father and mother, saying, 'I have seen a woman in Timnah of the daughters of the Philistines; now therefore, get her for me as a wife.' Then his father and mother said to him, 'Is there no woman among the daughters of your brethren, or among all our people, that you must go and take a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines?' And Samson said to his father, 'Get her for me, for she pleases me well.'" This passage reflects how desire, even when it goes against wise counsel and potentially God's will, can lead us down compromising paths, a truth I experienced in my own life and relationships here in Shreveport. The allure of what "pleases us well" in the moment can have long-term consequences, much like the temptations I faced in the wrestling world.   

• Judges 16:19 (Samson's betrayal): "Then she lulled him to sleep on her knees and called for a man and had his seven locks of his head shaved off. Then she began to torment him, and his strength left him." Samson's vulnerability to temptation led to the loss of his physical strength, the very thing that defined him. Similarly, my entanglement with vices weakened my spiritual strength and created a distance between me and God, even in my daily life here in Shreveport. The lifestyle I embraced, while necessary for survival in the wrestling industry in some ways, ultimately stripped me of a deeper sense of purpose and peace in my own community.

Jacob Wrestling with God (The Angel of the Lord): A Struggle for Blessing

In the heart of the night, beneath a sky ablaze with stars, a solitary figure wrestled with an unseen force. This was not a man grappling with another man, but Jacob, patriarch of Israel, locked in a desperate struggle with the Angel of the Lord.

Jacob, known for his cunning and ambition, had spent his life pursuing his own desires. Yet, as he journeyed back to his homeland, a profound longing for God's blessing stirred within him. He sought not merely material wealth or power, but a deeper connection with the divine.

And so, he wrestled. Not with fists or swords, but with his very soul. He pleaded, he bargained, he clung to the mysterious being until the break of dawn. The Angel, in turn, tested Jacob's resolve, pushing him to his limits, demanding a surrender that went beyond mere words.

Finally, as the first rays of sunlight pierced the darkness, the Angel touched Jacob's hip, leaving him with a limp. But the pain was a small price to pay for what he had gained. Jacob, his name meaning "supplanter," had been transformed into Israel, a prince who had prevailed.

The story of Jacob's wrestling match is a powerful allegory for the human struggle for faith. It speaks to our deepest desires, our yearning for connection with the divine, and the challenges we face on our spiritual journeys. It reminds us that true blessing often comes at a cost, demanding our utmost commitment and unwavering determination.

The account of Jacob wrestling with a mysterious man (often interpreted as the Angel of the Lord or God himself) in Genesis 32 offers a different perspective on wrestling with the Divine, a struggle I now understand more deeply as I navigate my life in Shreveport. Jacob, a man who had schemed and striven throughout his life, wrestled not for victory in the traditional sense, but for a blessing.

• Genesis 32:24-26 (Jacob's wrestling): "Then Jacob was left alone; and a Man wrestled with him until the breaking of day. Now when He saw that He did not prevail against him, He touched the socket of his hip and put Jacob’s hip out of joint as He wrestled with him. And He said, 'Let Me go, for the day breaks.' But he said, 'I will not let You go unless You bless me!'" Jacob's tenacity in holding onto the Angel, even when injured, speaks to the persistent struggle we often have with God, a persistence I recognize in my own prayers and questions here in Shreveport. My own wrestling with God over the loss of my career, the pain of past relationships in this city, and the weight of my past choices feels like this relentless clinging, this desperate plea for understanding and blessing as I live in this community.  

• Genesis 32:28 (Jacob's new name): "And He said, 'Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel; for you have struggled with God and with men and have prevailed.'" Jacob's names change to Israel, meaning "he struggles with God," signifies a transformation born out of the wrestling match. My own forced retirement and the subsequent introspection here in Shreveport have led to a similar shift. The old identity of "the wrestler" is evolving into something new, something that hopefully reflects a deeper understanding of my faith and my relationship with God as I live in this city. The struggles I've endured, both in the ring and in my personal life in Shreveport, are shaping a new identity, one forged in the crucible of these battles right here at home.   

Finding Meaning in the Struggle in Shreveport:

My journey through the demanding world of professional wrestling often felt like a constant fight for survival, where the lines between right and wrong blurred in the pursuit of success and longevity, even within the wrestling scene here in Shreveport. The vices I succumbed to were, in part, a misguided attempt to cope with the pressures and the moral compromises the lifestyle sometimes demanded in this industry.

Now, sidelined from the ring here in Shreveport, I see these experiences through a different lens, informed by the stories of Samson and Jacob. Like Samson, I experienced the allure of a powerful identity and the consequences of straying from a path of righteousness. Like Jacob, I am now wrestling with God, not for earthly victory in the ring, but for spiritual understanding and blessing in my life here in Shreveport.

The wrestling ring may have been my former arena, but my life now in Shreveport is the new mat where this deeper struggle unfolds. By acknowledging my past, seeking God's guidance through scripture and community at 3:18 Church, and the Lovewell Center. Learning from the triumphs and failures of biblical figures like Samson and Jacob, I hope to find a new strength, a transformed identity, and ultimately, a deeper connection with the God I continue to wrestle with right here in Shreveport, Louisiana.

The Remedy of Renewal: Letting God Remodel Your Mind

 The Remedy of Renewal: Letting God Remodel Your Mind

Pastor Matthew Tyson recently delivered a powerful message at our church, centered on Romans 12:1-2, titled "The Remedy of Renewal." He challenged us to examine our mindsets and consider what we need to surrender to Jesus Christ.

"God has shown you mercy," he began, reminding us that our response should be a complete surrender of our bodies as a "living sacrifice." This isn't about a fleeting spiritual moment; it's about a continuous, dedicated way of life. He contrasted this living faith with the emptiness of idol worship, emphasizing that a passive, non-surrendered approach leads to spiritual barrenness.

Pastor Tyson then delved into the burdens we carry: invisible chains of negative thought patterns, unhealthy relationships, past traumas, and self-imposed weights. "If you are now in Jesus, you must resist," he declared. This isn't a suggestion, but a command. We are called to resist the sin of the world, follow Christ, and break the chains that bind us.

But how do we resist? Pastor Tyson provided practical steps: prayer, reading the Word, and setting our minds on Christ. This isn’t about the quantity of our actions, but the quality of the Holy Spirit’s work within us. He likened the Spirit to a master carpenter, renovating our lives from the inside out. “Throw the junk out!” he urged, encouraging us to release negative patterns and worldly attachments.

He illustrated God’s transformative power with the image of a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. The caterpillar sees an ending, but the butterfly sees a new beginning. This is the hope we have when we surrender to Christ – a radical transformation, a new life.

The central question Pastor Tyson posed was: "What is your mind set on?" Is it on your next fix, your sin, or the things of this world? He urged us to surrender those burdens to Christ tonight, allowing Him to renovate our minds and align them with His perfect will.

A Personal Surrender

Perhaps, like me, you carry burdens that weigh you down. Anger, hate, malice, bitterness – these things create barriers between us and God, and damage our relationships. If you can relate, I invite you to join me in this prayer:

"Heavenly Father, I come before you tonight, heavy with the weight of my anger, hate, malice, and all the 'bad stuff' I've held onto for too long. I confess that these things have created a barrier between you and me, and they are damaging my relationships.

Lord, I lift up [insert the specific person or situation you need to surrender] to you. I surrender [him/her/it] into your loving care, trusting that you know what is best. I release my desire to control, and I ask that you fill me with your peace and wisdom.

Tonight, I acknowledge my spirit of bitterness. I see how it has poisoned my heart and clouded my judgment. I ask for your forgiveness for holding onto these resentments. I choose to release them, even if reconciliation seems impossible. I understand that forgiveness is for my own healing and freedom.

Lord, renew my mind tonight. Help me to see myself and others through your eyes. Fill me with your love, peace, and forgiveness. I ask for a deep sense of peace to wash over me.

Help me to walk in your light, trusting that you are the master carpenter, renovating my heart and home. I surrender all to you. In Jesus' name, Amen."

Let us all choose to surrender tonight, allowing Christ to renovate our minds and lead us into His perfect way.

Part 2 of our Count Down to April Fool's Day

 Blog Post 2: Bells and Banter: Chester the Jester Finds His Place in the Tyger King's Court

Greetings Once Again, My Fellow Inhabitants of the Digital Realm!

Welcome back to our ongoing chronicle of the wonderfully weird world of Zimrala and its newest, most unconventional resident: Chester the Jester. In our previous dispatch, we witnessed the rather… abrupt arrival of this Gristlegim Dwarf from Troll world and his surprising appointment as the Tyger King's royal fool. Today, we delve into the initial days of Chester's service, exploring how this unlikely pairing began to shape the atmosphere within the royal court.

Breaking the Boredom: Chester's Unique Brand of Entertainment

Life in a royal court, while often perceived as glamorous, can also fall into predictable patterns. The endless stream of petitioners, the weighty discussions of state affairs, the meticulously planned banquets – it can all become rather… routine. It was into this environment that Chester the Jester burst, like a particularly pungent and brightly colored mushroom.

Chester's performances were unlike anything the court had ever witnessed. Forget the refined juggling of polished orbs or the eloquent recitations of classic poetry. Chester's repertoire drew heavily from the traditions of Troll world, which seemed to involve a significant amount of slapstick, the liberal use of questionable smells (thankfully contained for the most part), and jokes that often left the more delicate courtiers clutching their pearls while the Tyger King roared with laughter.

One day, he might attempt to "charm" a visiting dignitary with a song about the migratory habits of the Bog Snargle, complete with surprisingly accurate (and unsettling) vocalizations. Another day, he might engage in a "dramatic re-enactment" of a famous battle, using sock puppets crafted from discarded royal hosiery and sound effects that involved a great deal of enthusiastic spitting.

The Tyger King's Amusement: More Than Just a Laughing Matter

What truly cemented Chester's place in the court was not just his ability to elicit laughter from the often-stoic Tyger King. The King, a shrewd observer of character, recognized that beneath Chester's outlandish antics lay a sharp mind. Chester possessed a knack for cutting through the layers of courtly pretense with a well-placed (and often surprisingly insightful) jest.

He had a way of observing the world from a completely different perspective, unburdened by the expectations and traditions of Zimralan society. This often allowed him to see solutions to problems that others had overlooked or to point out the absurdity of certain situations in a way that was both humorous and thought-provoking. The Tyger King found himself increasingly seeking out Chester's company, not just for entertainment, but for his unique and unfiltered viewpoints.

A Budding (and Bizarre) Dynamic

The relationship between the Tyger King and Chester the Jester was unlike any other in the court. It wasn't one of strict hierarchy or formal deference. Instead, it was a curious blend of ruler and jester, of intellect and… well, whatever it was that Chester possessed. The King would often engage Chester in playful banter, testing his wit and enjoying his unpredictable responses. Chester, in turn, while never forgetting his place, treated the King with a surprising degree of comfortable familiarity, often peppering his jokes with gentle (and never truly disrespectful) ribbing.

The courtiers, initially unsure how to react to this strange dwarf and his unusual relationship with the King, gradually began to accept Chester as a fixture in the royal household. Some remained wary of his Troll-world eccentricities, while others found themselves secretly amused by his antics. Regardless of their personal opinions, they all understood one thing: the Tyger King found genuine enjoyment in Chester's presence, and that was enough.

Whispers of Wisdom Wrapped in Wackiness

Chester the Jester was proving to be more than just a source of amusement. His outsider perspective and unexpected insights were slowly weaving their way into the fabric of the court. He might offer a seemingly ridiculous suggestion during a council meeting, only for the King to realize the surprising logic behind it. He might defuse a tense diplomatic situation with a well-timed (and utterly inappropriate) joke that somehow managed to break the ice.

The Tyger King was learning that sometimes, the greatest wisdom can be found in the most unexpected of places, and often delivered with a healthy dose of Troll-world absurdity.

Join Us Next Time...

In our next installment, we'll delve deeper into some of the specific instances where Chester's "not-foolish" nature shone through, and perhaps explore some of the more… memorable (and possibly slightly disastrous) attempts at introducing Troll-world traditions to the unsuspecting inhabitants of Zimrala.

Stay tuned, fellow gamers and readers, the jests and journeys of Chester the Jester continue!

the Echoes of Past Hurts

 

Discipleship Homework and the Echoes of Past Hurts: Finding Solace in 1 Peter

Good morning, everyone! Today, as I sit down to work on my discipleship homework here in Shreveport, Louisiana, my heart feels a little heavier than usual. The passages I'm reflecting on from 1 Peter, specifically 2:21-23 and 3:8-9, offer a powerful vision of how we, as followers of Christ, should navigate suffering and interact with one another. But as I read them, the echoes of past hurts and disappointments resurface, making it a bit challenging to fully embrace the ideal they present.

Let's look at these passages. First, 1 Peter 2:21-23 in the New International Version reminds us of Christ's example:

To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.” When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.  

Then, 1 Peter 3:8-9 continues with instructions for our interactions:

Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.   

These are powerful words, painting a picture of Christ's patient endurance in the face of injustice and calling us to a community marked by unity, empathy, love, and a refusal to retaliate. And that's what makes the contrast with past experiences so stark.

You see, like many of you, my journey hasn't been without its share of pain inflicted by others, even within the Christian community. There have been times of misunderstanding, lack of empathy, even hurtful words and actions that have left lasting scars. It's in these moments, when I read about Christ's non-retaliation and our call to bless those who harm us, that a part of me wonders, "Why wasn't this my experience then?" It can feel like a heavy weight to consider following in the steps of someone who endured such unjust suffering without lashing out, especially when I remember times I felt the urge to retaliate myself.

The call to "be like-minded" and "love one another" can feel like a distant dream when you've experienced deep division and conflict. The encouragement to "be sympathetic" can sting when you remember times you felt completely unseen and unheard in your pain. The command to "not repay evil with evil" can be a heavy weight when you've felt betrayed or unloved by those you expected to show Christ's love. The plea to "be compassionate and humble" can bring up memories of harsh judgment and a lack of grace.

It's in this space, this intersection of God's ideal and our often-broken reality, that I find myself today. And I suspect I'm not alone. Many of us carry these invisible wounds, these memories that make certain biblical exhortations feel more like a challenge than a comfort.

So, as I continue my discipleship homework and wrestle with these beautiful yet sometimes difficult verses, I'm reminded that:

• Christ's example is paramount: Jesus, despite having every right to retaliate against the injustice he faced, chose to entrust himself to God's justice. This sets the ultimate standard for how we are called to respond to suffering.
• God's ideal is still the goal: Just because we haven't always experienced this perfect unity, love, and non-retaliation doesn't mean it's not what we should strive for. These verses serve as a constant reminder of the kind of community God desires for us and how we are to conduct ourselves in the face of wrongdoing.
• Healing takes time and grace: Past hurts don't disappear overnight. It's okay to acknowledge the pain and allow God to work healing in our hearts. Extending grace to ourselves and others is crucial.
• Being the change starts with me: While I can't rewrite the past, I can choose how I respond in the present and future. I can consciously strive to be more like-minded, sympathetic, loving, compassionate, and humble in my interactions, and to resist the urge to repay evil with evil, even when it's difficult.
• God's grace empowers us: We are not expected to achieve this on our own strength. It's through the power of the Holy Spirit that we can grow in these qualities and extend the love of Christ, even choosing blessing over retaliation, and trusting in God's ultimate justice as Jesus did.

The feelings of disappointment and the questions that arise when our experiences don't align with the ideal presented in 1 Peter are valid. It's natural to feel the weight of those past wounds and to even feel justified in wanting to retaliate. However, as followers of Christ, the example of Jesus and the call to unity, love, compassion, humility, and blessing remain our guiding principles. This isn't a call to instantly erase past pain, but rather an invitation to embark on a journey of healing and growth, intentionally striving towards these qualities with God's grace, trusting in His justice as Christ did. My discipleship homework today has reminded me that acknowledging the gap between where I am and where God calls me to be is the first step in allowing Him to work in my heart and empower me to live out the beautiful vision of community and Christ-like response found in 1 Peter.

I'd love to hear your thoughts as well. How do these passages resonate with you? Have you ever found it challenging to reconcile these biblical ideals with past hurts or the urge to retaliate? Let's encourage one another on this journey of discipleship and healing, right here in Shreveport and wherever you may be.

The Unseen Holds: Wrestling with Heartbreak, Loss, and a Body in Revolt.

 

The Unseen Holds: Wrestling with Heartbreak, Loss, and a Body in Revolt

Tiger-man Earl By Angela Head

The roar of the crowd, the sweat stinging my eyes, the satisfying thud of a body hitting the mat – for years, this was my reality in Shreveport. As a professional wrestler, I lived in a world of physical prowess, of pushing limits, of crafting narratives in the ring. But life outside the squared circle, and now the enforced absence from it due to heart attacks and strokes my heart can no longer endure, has brought a different kind of battle. A battle waged not with opponents you can see, but with the unseen forces of anger, hate, malice, pain, and a deep-seated wrath born from failed love with women and the crushing loss of my wrestling career. My current relationship also suffers under this weight. Currently, I'm taking a discipleship class at our local 3:18 Church here in Shreveport, and this week our reading has been Lysa TerKeurst's "Forgiving What You Can't Forget," specifically chapters 5 through 7. Grounded in the insights from these chapters, I'm beginning to explore the tangled web of these emotions, seeking a path forward when the past feels like a relentless hold I can't break free from here in Shreveport. This is the story of connecting those painful dots, understanding their impact in my life here, and tentatively stepping onto the path of forgiveness, even when forgetting feels impossible in this town where so much of my life has unfolded.

Reading Lysa TerKeurst's "Forgiving What You Can't Forget," specifically chapters 5 through 7, has felt like someone shining a light on the tangled mess of emotions I've been wrestling with – anger, hate, malice, pain, and a deep-seated wrath. It's all there, a potent cocktail brewed from the adrenaline-fueled world of professional wrestling and the wreckage of personal relationships.

Chapter 5, "Walking in the Pain Before the Healing," hit me hard. TerKeurst talks about "collecting the dots" of our past stories. For me, those dots are vivid here in Shreveport as I riminess about my past. The roar of the crowd at the Arena's like the Municipal Auditorium, the thrill of the match at local events, the camaraderie in the locker room – juxtaposed with the brutal physical toll that ultimately led to my heart issues, the constant pressure, and the sacrifices made in my personal life. Then there are the dots of failed relationships with women I met here, each one a sharp jab to the heart, leaving behind splinters of hurt and resentment that still linger in the air of this city. And now, the crushing reality of a body that has betrayed me, forcing me out of the ring I loved and lived in, leaving a void and a heavy dose of depression that shadows my days here.

Chapter 6, "What to Do with Your Anger," resonated deeply within the familiar streets of Shreveport. TerKeurst emphasizes "connecting the dots" – understanding how those past hurts have shaped the narratives we carry. I can see the threads now, woven through my experiences in this town. The hyper-competitive nature of wrestling, where you had to be tough and sometimes ruthless in venues across world, bled into my relationships with women I met here. The fear of vulnerability in the ring translated into walls built around my heart outside of it, within the very neighborhoods I call home. The pain of past betrayals in love has created a lens of suspicion and defensiveness in my current relationship, causing its own set of suffering under the Louisiana sky. The anger isn't just about what happened; it's about the story I've told myself about who I am, who others are here, and what I deserve in this life, what I've built in Shreveport for myself.

There are people, places in Shreveport, even just certain days that trigger a visceral reaction within me. TerKeurst suggests these are clues to unaddressed pain. For me, it might be driving past the old gym where I trained, the anniversary of a particularly painful breakup with someone I met, or even just feeling my heart flutter with a reminder of its limitations as I go about my days in Shreveport. These are the moments when the anger, the hate, the malice bubble to the surface in this city that holds 10 years of so many memories.

Chapter 7, "Why Should We Forgive?", tackles "correcting the dots." This is the toughest part, especially when those dots are so deeply embedded in my life here in Shreveport. TerKeurst acknowledges that some things are unforgettable and undeniably unfair. My wrestling career being cut short due to my heart's limitations, the pain inflicted in past relationships with women I cared for here – these are realities I can't erase from my back story. But the chapter emphasizes that holding onto bitterness and resentment only poisons me, right here in this place I call home. Forgiveness, she argues, isn't about condoning what happened or forgetting the pain that occurred within these limits, but about choosing a path toward peace within myself, regardless of the external circumstances i have been going through in Shreveport.

The idea that forgiveness is a personal choice for healing, especially when reconciliation isn't possible or even desired with past wrestling colleagues or former partners throughout my past relationships, is a powerful one. I may never fully understand why my body gave out, preventing me from stepping back into the ring in GCWA's ring in Corpus Christi, CMLL, etc. or why past relationships crumbled. But holding onto the anger and hate is like carrying a lead weight as I walk the streets of Shreveport. It's impacting my current relationship, fueling my depression in my new home here, and preventing any sense of inner peace in this Louisiana city.

This isn't about suddenly feeling okay as I navigate life in Shreveport. It's about starting the work of connecting these painful dots that are so intertwined with my experiences here, understanding the stories they've created within these familiar surroundings, and then, piece by painful piece, trying to correct the narrative in my own heart and mind, right here in Shreveport. It's about acknowledging the anger and hurt without letting it consume me as I live my life in this city. It's about choosing, day by day, to release the grip of malice and wrath, not for those who may have hurt me, but for myself, so I can find some semblance of peace in this place. The ring may be out of reach, and past loves may be lost within its history, but I still have a present and a potential future here. Forgiving what I can't forget isn't about pretending the past didn't happen it's about living a new life in Shreveport; it's about choosing a different way to carry it as I continue to live in this city – a way that doesn't break me further within these familiar borders. This is the beginning of that journey, one painful dot at a time, right here in Shreveport.

So, where do we go from here living in Shreveport? After "collecting," "connecting," and beginning to "correct" the dots of our painful stories that are so deeply rooted in this world of sin, the path toward forgiveness, even of the unforgettable experiences I've had here, starts to take shape. Based on the wisdom gleaned from chapters 5-7 of TerKeurst's book, here are some initial steps we can consider as we navigate my new life here in Shreveport:

1. Acknowledge and Sit with the Pain: As Chapter 5 emphasizes, healing begins by truly seeing and feeling the hurt that has occurred here in Shreveport. Don't try to bypass or minimize the anger, sadness, or resentment that these experiences in this city have caused. Allow yourself to acknowledge its presence as you go about your days here.
2. Identify the Narratives: Following Chapter 6, take time to understand the stories you've built around your pain, stories often shaped by events and relationships within Wrestling, Shreveport. What conclusions have you drawn about yourself, others in this city, and the world based on these experiences that have unfolded here? Recognizing these narratives is the first step to potentially reframing them within the context of your life in Shreveport.
3. Understand the "Why" of Your Anger: Explore the roots of your anger related to your wrestling career ending and past relationships in the World. What unmet needs or violated boundaries lie beneath it? Understanding the source can help you process it in a healthier way as you continue to live in this city.
4. Recognize the Burden of Unforgiveness: Reflect on how holding onto these negative emotions related to your experiences in Shreveport is impacting your present life, your current relationship here, and your overall well-being in this city. As Chapter 7 highlights, unforgiveness often hurts the holder more than the initial offender, and that's true for you here in Shreveport as well.
5. Make a Conscious Choice (Not a Feeling): Forgiveness, especially when you can't forget the significant events that have happened to you, is often a decision rather than a sudden feeling. Choose to release the grip of bitterness that has taken root here, not necessarily for the sake of the other persons involved in your Shreveport story, but for your own peace within this city.
6. Focus on Your Healing, Not Reconciliation (Initially): TerKeurst stresses that forgiveness is a personal journey. It doesn't always require or lead to reconciliation with past wrestling colleagues or former partners. Your primary focus should be on your own emotional and mental well-being as you navigate life in Shreveport Louisiana.
7. Be Patient and Kind to Yourself: This is not a linear process, especially when dealing with deep-seated pain connected to your life in wrestling as you try to live in Shreveport. There will be good days and bad days as you move through this in this city. Allow yourself grace and understanding as you navigate these difficult emotions within the familiar surroundings of Shreveport that remind you of your past.

These are just initial steps, and the journey of forgiveness is deeply personal, especially when so much of your experience is tied to wrestling and past failed relationships. But by acknowledging our pain, understanding its roots within us, and making a conscious choice to release the burden of unforgiveness, we can begin to find a measure of peace, even when the memories of our past remain vivid.

In conclusion, as I continue my discipleship journey at 3:18 Church here in Shreveport, and having just finished reading these impactful chapters of "Forgiving What You Can't Forget," my aim is to actively apply these lessons. On the other hand, it's important to acknowledge the positive relationships I've also developed here in Shreveport. The dedicated staff at the Holy Cross Church Hope House, the caring Lovewell Staff from Urban Hub Ministries, and of course, our insightful pastor, Matthew Tyson, have all been sources of support and encouragement. As I navigate this journey from homelessness to healing past hurts, within my new apartment. I'm going to try, with God's help and the strength I find in these positive connections, to forgive where I can and to pick up the pieces of what feels like a shattered life filled with heartbreak and sorrow.

Yours for now,

Captain Hedges