🥊 THE 5 AM SMACKDOWN: THE FIRST BAYOU BRAWL REUNION

 

🥊 THE 5 AM SMACKDOWN: THE FIRST BAYOU BRAWL REUNION

The moon hung like a cold, silver coin over the Shreveport swamp, casting long, skeletal shadows through the cypress knees. It was the "wee hours"—that quiet, blue moment at 5:00 AM when the rest of the world is dreaming. But at the cabin, the silence was shattered by a wet, heavy thud against the timber walls and a grunt so foul it smelled of ancient graves and sour mash.

I didn't need the Scope of the True Meridian to know what was outside.

"Snouter," I growled, my voice already vibrating with the low, predatory rumble of the Tygerian Isles. Beside me, Uncle Bill gripped a handle of ancient oak and cold iron. "And he brought a friend, Captain," Bill muttered, his eyes narrowing as a second silhouette—hulking, pig-faced, and clutching a rusted butcher’s cleaver—stepped into the moon’s pale glow.

The Hogman had arrived.

The War Chamber Opens

This wasn't just a defense; it was a trip down memory lane. I tossed Bill the Axe of the Troll God, and he surged, his form twisting into the massive, muscular frame of Uncle Billy Goat. I tapped into my Tygerian form, stripes burning red in the dark. With a snap of my fingers, globes of orange Wiz-light flared into existence, encircling a reinforced Bamboo Steel Cage wrapped in barbed-wire ether-vines.

"Step into the ring," I snarled. "It’s time for some old-school O.W.L. (Outlaw Wrestling League) rules."

Suddenly, the treeline exploded. A Slasher Vine Jungle Troll crashed into the yard, sentient vines whipping through the air like organic garrotes. The Snouter and Hogman found their second wind, backed by this Zimralan heavyweight. It was 3-on-2, and the odds were looking grim—until the wind began to howl with a familiar, predatory frequency.

The Return of Pirre the Werewolf

From the roof of the cabin, a silver-backed blur descended. It was Pirre, the legendary Pure Werewolf, my greatest adversary from the O.W.L. days. He didn't come to fight me; he came for the "pop." He landed in a three-point stance, silver fur bristling, and let out a howl that carried the bloodlust of a thousand death matches.

It was 3-on-3. A total Japanese Death Match reunion in the heart of the Bayou.

Combatant	Style	Signature Move
Bayou Earl	Tygerian Power	The Tygerian Strike (Lariat)
Uncle Billy Goat	Troll-Blessed	The Burning Hammer
Pirre	Pure Werewolf	The Swanton Bomb

The carnage was stiff. Uncle Bill used the Troll Axe to catapult the Hogman into the acid-dripping barbed wire. Pirre was a blur, taking the Snouter to "Slobberknocker Row" with a Moonsault off the top of the bamboo. I took the fight to the Slasher Vine Troll, using the Rod of Infinite Spanning to shatter his sentient vines like glass.

The Shadow from Above

As the 60-minute time limit ticked toward the end, a massive shadow eclipsed the moon. A Mothman, drawn by the telepathic scent of the brawl, dove from the clouds with an obsidian knife aimed at Pirre’s throat.

He never made it.

A golden-brown streak of divine fury intercepted him. It was the Hawkman (Avyarra), a son of Horus. With a battle cry that sounded like grinding stone, he brought his Heavy Iron Mace down in a sickening arc, bashing the Mothman’s head wide open mid-air. The two crashed into the mud as the final bell rang.

The Aftermath

The Slasher Vine Troll lay tangled in his own broken limbs. The Hogman’s cleaver was snapped, and the Snouter was a heap of quivering, defeated muscle. The O.W.L. Legends stood tall in the Shreveport mud, the sun finally beginning to bleed over the horizon.

"Good workout, Captain," Bill said, shifting back and wiping the sweat from his brow. "Now let's go get some breakfast."

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Product Identity & Legal

The following items are designated Product Identity of Arthur Earl C. Hedges Jr. / The Adventures of Captain Hedges: The world of Zimrala, The Tygerian Isles, The O.W.L. (Outlaw Wrestling League), The character "Pirre" (The Pure Werewolf), The Avyarra (Hawkmen), The "Bayou Earl" persona, The Slasher Vine Jungle Troll, The specific "Hedge Wizard of the Shreveport Cabin" persona, and the character "Uncle Bill" (The Uncle Billy Goat). Unique Items: The Rod of Infinite Spanning and the Axe of the Troll God. Monsters! Monsters! and Humans, Humans (1st Edition) are trademarks of Ken St. Andre and Troll Godfather Press and are used with permission. The statistics and game mechanics provided herein are designated as unofficial playtest material for the Tygerian Isles campaign setting. © 2025 Arthur Earl C. Hedges Jr. All rights reserved.