4:00 AM Jitters: A Shouted Awakening and the Skunk Ape Showdown With MM Stats

 

4:00 AM Jitters: A Shouted Awakening and the Skunk Ape Showdown with MM 2.7 Stats below

4am January 9th, 2025, and Good Morning every one of my fellow monsters across the multiverse 

By Captain Hedges

The clock hadn't even struck 4:00 AM on this Friday morning in Shreveport, and the world was supposed to be silent. I was deep in sleep, finally getting some rest as my body fought off the last of this bladder infection and the flu. The "green mucus plague" was finally retreating, and I was dreaming of the quiet maps of Zimrala.

Then, the peace was shattered.

The 3:30 AM Alarm

Uncle Bill, still struggling with his own touch of the flu, let out a shout that echoed through the cabin walls like a cannon blast: "WAKE UP, EARL!"

It was so loud and so sudden it scared the absolute spirit out of me. My heart started hammering against my ribs like a trapped bird. But it wasn’t just the fright that got me moving. My body sent an immediate, high-priority signal. I had to make a dead run for the bathroom to drop my load before the combination of the flu and the fright got the better of me. There is nothing like a 4:00 AM emergency to let you know you’re still alive.

A Knock at the Threshold

I was still in the bathroom, catching my breath and clearing the yellow-green phlegm from my throat, when the second shock hit. It wasn't a shout this time, but a heavy, wet thud against the cabin door.

Then came the smell. A thick, sulfurous stench of rotting swamp cabbage, wet dog, and ancient decay seeped through the floorboards. I knew that smell. It was a Skunk Ape, a swamp-dwelling cousin to the Sasquatch, and it had decided the Shreveport Cabin was its next target.

I heard the transformation begin. Uncle Bill’s bones cracked as he shifted into the stubborn, powerful Billy Goat Form. He stood his ground by the door, horns lowered. Meanwhile, I felt the cosmic heat rising in my chest. I exploded out of the bathroom, my skin rippling into the fierce, striped muscle of my Tiger Form.

The Monster Transformation

The Hedge Wizard and his sickroom were gone. In their place stood a 198 MR Tiger and a 72 MR Billy Goat.

Being immune to acid and poison, I breathed in the Skunk Ape's Nauseating Reek like it was mountain air. It didn't make me sick—it just made me hungry for the hunt.

Combat Report: The Tag-Team Brawl

The Skunk Ape managed to splinter the door, but it never got a foot inside.

The Stats (Monsters! Monsters! 2.7 Rules):

• Captain Hedges (Tiger Form): MR 198 (Combat Dice: 20D6 + 99)

• Uncle Bill (Billy Goat Form): MR 72 (Combat Dice: 8D6 + 36)

• The Enemy (Skunk Ape): MR 60 (Combat Dice: 7D6 + 30)

Uncle Bill met the beast at the door, delivering a Billy Goat headbutt that sounded like a sledgehammer hitting a tree trunk. As the Skunk Ape stumbled back, I leaped. With the power of the Tygerian Isles in my claws, I tore into the creature's thick hide. With a combined effort of 28D6, the Skunk Ape realized it had made a fatal mistake.

We sent that stinking beast tumbling off the porch and back into the dark, wet Shreveport woods. It didn't stop running until the stench was a mile away.

The Aftermath

Now, the cabin is quiet again. It’s nearly 4:30 AM. My heart has slowed down, my sinuses are cleared out from the adrenaline, and we are back in our human forms. Uncle Bill is still coughing a bit, but that Skunk Ape won't be coming back anytime soon.

We are better. We are survivors. And we have a full weekend of NFL Wild Card football to look forward to. But for now, the Hedge Wizard is going to sit with his coffee and wait for the sun to come up over Shreveport.

Happy Friday, everyone. Watch the woods.

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Product Identity & Legal The following items are designated Product Identity of Arthur Earl C. Hedges Jr. / The Adventures of Captain Hedges: The world of Zimrala, The Tygerian Isles, The Ether Dragons, The Tiger Force Shadow Saga, The specific "Hedge Wizard of the Shreveport Cabin" persona, Bayou Earl, Uncle Billy Gaot,  The "Royal Cartographer" archetype and the character "Emperor Rajah Gindu." Any new Unique Items created by me.

MoZ (MONSTERARY of ZIMRALA) Monsters! Monsters! and Humans, Humans (1st Edition) are trademarks of Ken St. Andre and Troll Godfather Press and are used with permission. The statistics and game mechanics provided herein are designated as unofficial playtest material for the Tygerian Isles campaign setting. © 2026 Arthur Earl C. Hedges Jr. All rights reserved.